its fuckin 2am and i have to write this. i still use women, maybe not in the worst way, but i do. i love to feel their attraction to me, it somehow makes me feel valuable. sometimes i hate that about myself, but seemingly not enough to change it. im new bill, wont do anything, but plays the game. it all gets mixed up in wanting to know people too. this friend of lena’s i met last weekend, does she know i have a girlfriend? i guess not, but i could have told her. instead, i invite her over and attempt to really set her up with one of my roommates. he likes her, and i really dont know how she feels about anyone really. i get the impression she might like me, and deep down i like it. not interested, just like the attention. anyway, isnt it natural to enjoy attention? still wrong not to tell her im not available. so she left and we, really just me and matt, watched Good Will Hunting. such an amazing movie. love it, saw too many parallels to my life and my relationships and laura. nobody does o chem for fun. more tears. thought i might actually do some math homework. simple truths. cant be eloquent tonight, words failing. love you girl, come home soon

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